Addiction does not discriminate against Christians, students
at Smithville Christian High School were told at this week's chapel.
John Kowtecky, a
chemical engineer and a manufacturing management consultant, told students
his impressive credentials aren't the reason he was qualified to speak to
them. Rather, he was at school, he told them, because he is an alcoholic
"with a story to tell."
Kowtecky, who, in
addition to running a successful company, also works with support agency Family
Outreach Ontario, said alcohol addiction is "a terrible horrendous
experience to live through" and even if we aren't alcoholics ourselves, most
of us have or will have a family member or friend who is.
Kowtecky said he
wants to prepare students to be able to talk about addiction with their family
members, friends, "or people God has placed in your life."
He described his
childhood, growing up in a Bible-believing, church-attending family, his
leadership in his church and his success as a student — both in high school and
at the University of Waterloo.
"From the
outside looking in, you would say I had my act together," he said.
"But inside, I was very much a scared and insecure person, and my pride
would not let me expose those doubts to anyone."
He experimented
with alcohol as a high school student, but didn't drink much. As a university
student, he began drinking more because he "liked the escape it gave me
from the pressures of performance. It allowed me to relax and forget about the
pressure."
Looking back,
Kowtecky now knows that's when the desire for alcohol became embedded in his
soul.
He got married to
the sweetheart he had met in Sunday school, graduated from university, got a
good job and embarked on a career that saw promotions and advancement. His
children were born, his family was churchgoing and everything seemed to be
going well.
But Kowtecky was
drinking more and more, consuming hard liquor from a mickey in big gulps to get
through the day. He denied that he was doing it, telling "creative stories
to hide the truth," reassuring
himself he could quit at any time. But actually he was caught in a downward
spiral of hypocrisy and denial.
"I fooled
everyone, and myself," he said. "But I had crossed the invisible line
— I was totally dependent on alcohol."
By 2000, when he
was 45 years old, he had "hit bottom." He was drinking 26 ounces of
hard liquor a day, 40 ounces on the weekend. His marriage was "all but over" and
his children despised him.
"I couldn't
get drunk and I couldn't get sober."
He had prayed for
willpower many times in the past, but this time, his prayer was different.
"I totally
surrendered," he said. " I admitted I couldn't manage my life
anymore. And with that prayer of submission my journey of recovery began."
The next day, his
boss confronted him and told him that if he didn't stop drinking, one of three
things was going to happen. He was either going to die young, or worse, he
would die old, but be alone and estranged. Or he could choose to join
Alcoholics Anonymous and live a normal life.
Kowtecky joined AA
and spent three months dealing with the tremors and pain of withdrawal. His
family was loving and supportive and "by God's grace I was given another
chance."
Then, at Christmas,
he thought it would be fine to have another drink, "and within three
months I was drinking as much as before."
That spring, his
wife and boss confronted him again. His boss said he was going to lose his job
and "this time my wife really was going to leave. My kids were disgusted
with me and never wanted to see me again."
He entered rehab
again and this time, through counselling, he learned that his mistake had been relying
on his own strength. If he was going to make it, he had to "give control
back to God."
He has been sober
since May 27, 2001. "Jesus Christ was my higher power and did something I
could never do for myself," he said. "He replaced the desire for
alcohol with the desire to know him better." Through Bible study and
prayer, Kowtecky says he has been healed.
"Jesus healed
my marriage, my wife is now my dearest friend," Kowtecky said."He restored my relationship with
my children. I had to accept the fact that I am an alcoholic in nature but not
in identity. Today my identity is in Jesus Christ and I thank God every
day."
Kowtecky said he
doesn't like telling his story, "because it exposes more of myself than I
prefer. But I am doing it to give you permission to talk about it," he
told students. He said they are almost certainly going to have to make decisions about alcohol use, if they haven't already.
Kowtecky said 83%
of Grade 12 students in Ontario admit to drinking, with 49% admitting to binge
drinking.
43% of college and
university students are binge drinkers, while 81% of students living in college or university
residence are binge drinkers.
Heavy drinkers are
two times more likely to die of heart disease, two times more likely to die of
cancer, 12 times more likely to die of cirrhosis of the liver, three times more
likely to die in a traffic accident and six times more likely to commit
suicide, he said. "A lot of people
are affected by alcohol," and the Christian community is no different, he
said.
"If something
you are doing hurts you or hurts someone you love, there is a good chance you
are addicted to it," Kowtecky said. "No one desires to grow up and
become an alcoholic. It happens slowly and it happens without you knowing
it."
Principal Ted
Harris said he hoped students would talk about this topic among themselves.
"Many of you
are already confronted with questions about alcohol and drugs," Harris
said, urging students to make good decisions and to support each other in
making good decisions. He encouraged them to "shine the light of
Christ."
Kowtecky said
Family Outreach Ontario's website has information about alcohol and drug
addiction and a toll-free number to reach out for help or more information for
yourself, a family member or friend. Visit
familyoutreachontario.com, call 1-888-809-0464
or email info@familyoutreachontario.com.
